When things don’t go as planned we often assign responsibility to some outward object; a person, an event or a thing. It happens every day. You spill your coffee because you were rushing and you’re angry at the slow driver in front of you. You yell at your kids because they didn’t listen the first time. You speak negatively about a coworker who got the promotion that you deserved. You would be a better husband if only your wife would do X, Y, or Z. You get the idea.
Blame is not a constructive coping mechanism. We blame others for our own misgivings for three main reasons: Justification, Lack of communication, and lack of accountability.
Justification- Blame is a good line of defense. You don’t have to confront your own issues if you can justify your actions.
Lack of Communication- To blame is easier than digging in to the relationship to consider where the negative feelings originate.
Lack of Accountability- When you place blame you’re not accepting responsibility for your actions.
All of these contexts can be handled with an improved outlook and a bit of patience. Always assume the best intentions in others. Look inward to solve your struggle. Don’t justify one negative action with another. Be the bigger person and hold yourself to a higher standard than most. Communicate your thoughts and feelings clearly so there is no misunderstanding your message.
Blame is corrosive to your relationships and is lacking empathy. Maintain accountability for your emotions and your actions. Be empathetic. It’s the only way to make solid connections in life.